So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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