literally had 100 drinks last night.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
