Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
