So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
