Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
