Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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