I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
