Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
