if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
