My room smells like vodka and shame
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
