omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
