You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
