i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
