how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
