I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
