it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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