You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
