...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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