RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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