I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
why do cheetos always look like penises
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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