I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We left an ass print on the piano.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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