I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
as a side note pls kill me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
