the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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