so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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