i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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