if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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