ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
