Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
