maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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