I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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