definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
