Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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