I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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