oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
