you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
