I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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