As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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