im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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