No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Randomize
