That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
