he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
