She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
