if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
