So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
