There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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