Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
