Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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