so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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