i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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