the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
