so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
