I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
