So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
