may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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