his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
