that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
