the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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