I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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