I think I died a long time ago.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
