I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
