Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am spending my child support on dildos
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
