im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
