Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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