I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
