I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
