sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
