Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
