Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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