Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
