fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
