My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
