I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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